It’s April, one of my favorite months after all. And suddenly; spring is here with warmth that has kept me and Smilla outside for a few days now. I have been listening to new music, reading great books and trying to write. Today I went for a long brisk walk in the sun. It was lovely.
I’ve bought myself a passion notebook to write texts in. It’s a red plain Moleskine notebook. Red as love, passion and blood.
Writing is something I need just like I need oxygen and friends. It keeps me sane.
Lately I haven’t been able to find much that keeps me sane around here. It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve been talking about a blog break or hiatus for months (as thorough readers will remember), but haven’t been able to say goodbye yet. I love my blog. I love you. I love to inspire you. Plus, I’m bad with goodbyes, I can’t stand giving up. But even though it will not be a permanent farewell it will be a couple of months away from this blog. A spring, perhaps a summer. I just know I’m getting closer to taking that step away. I need it, badly. So be prepared. Maybe after Easter after a couple of more posts. Let the countdown start. Enjoy it while it lasts.
April is celebration month in my world. Easter not so much for being eastery but brining light, pastel colors and fresh air. My birthday is coming up, and so is the fifth (!) blogoversary of this very blog!
Five years is quite a while to keep writing about everything creative when my creativity is expanding by the minute. It’s draining me right now. Letting it expand further would be asking for an explosion. There has been quite a few changes in my life, in my mind and in my approach to creativity during these years. Of course. Change is constant even though I do try to resist it like a stubborn child. Lately I feel like I’m going farther away from some things, like online community and crafts, and narrowing in on other creative forms of expression, like art collages.
The missing puzzle piece is writing with passion. For me, right now, that is what I need. I even think I’ve said it before, but couldn’t make it happen. Couldn’t figure it out. I think I know what was wrong now. I was closed to that part of me.
The writing one can only do with an open heart. I tried to open my heart to writing and it stings. It’s difficult. It’s hard labor. And even though it might seam like all I do is write for the blog, this is not the writing I crave. I need to dig deeper and I need to do it in my own language. Maybe online, maybe off. Maybe I will find the tone I need in a red notebook, maybe on the computer. I do not know. All I know is that writing helps me find myself. Shows me the road to sanity, and sometimes this blog is leading me to insanity; I’ve been obsessed at times. Wanting to post and setting up internal rules for myself that makes my life more difficult. It needs to be happy and beautiful; great image quality, coming up in the correct order, saying something to inspire you even when I myself don’t feel inspired and so on. I know it’s crappy of me to do this to myself and that’s why I need to take a break. I know you understand. I need to step away, de-tox. Just like a blog junkie I got my fix here. This week I’m getting my fix from the sunshine, from talking with friends and from listening to music. Right now a Swedish band and on my walk Jason Mraz.
It’s all about balance, you know that right? I will find it, don’t worry.
I’ll be back soonish with something I did craft.