A Special Day

Today is a very special day. I’m leaving my home town. I’ve only lived here for five years, but that is one sixth of my life and most of my adult life (according to my calculations, math is not my subject). And I’ve come to love this town so much. I’ve found a home here.

I’ve found so much more of me here. This place will stay in my heart for ever, as will the people and memories I’ve collected here. I’m leaving because I need to I guess, but it also feels like I’m forced to. Like I don’t have a choice, and that makes me sad.

This day will stand out in my memory as a day of sadness and tears. When I came here I never thought I’d get such a strong feeling of belonging here, that I’d feel so at home here. But I did, and I’ve thrived here.

Grown.
Loved.
Found my creative side.
Explored my surroundings like I’ve never done before.
Walked. Biked. Lived.
Connected to people that has changed me in so many ways.

It’s not my spot I thought when I first got here, but that all changed rather quickly. My university time happened here. I studied literature, and I will always know that going to those classes was exactly right for me. It was something I’ve always wanted to do, and I did it. Literature has a big place in my heart. I love books and I’m so happy that I got to read some of the classics during that year.

I thought I’d hate the darkness and the snow here, and miss my parents too much. But then I grew up and had a family of my own here, people that is not my parents. And I fell in love with the falling snow that lit up the darkness – and I had company when the darkness of the autumn came.

So many good memories, some memories that now break my heart.

I have so many favorite places around here. I think in some way this will always be home, no matter what.

Do you have a place like that? That makes you smile inside?

Then you are lucky, some people search for that their entire life and doesn’t find it. They imagine it to be somewhere else, a place where the grass is always greener than right here. They search for it, but will most likely not find it.

I think it is a part of themselves that they are looking for?

What I’ve found is a place inside of me that is home. So even when I leave my apartment, my home, my friends and “my” town today, this place will still make me whole. And the next place I settle down in might do the same, because the calmness comes from within me, not from the rooms where I’ve lived or the town itself. Not even the people I love can create this feeling. Maybe it is a bit of zen? It has developed inside of me, this love for the place and my own life. And that feeling gives me a calmness inside, that I’ll bring with me. That will come back to me after I stop crying.

I wish this feeling for everyone. You too.

It’s a Special Day today.

I try to look ahead but I tend to look back. It is a difficult task to stay in the present, to appreciate what life gives us and to love ourself enough. But I try, every day.