A Special Day

Today is a very special day. I’m leaving my home town. I’ve only lived here for five years, but that is one sixth of my life and most of my adult life (according to my calculations, math is not my subject). And I’ve come to love this town so much. I’ve found a home here.

I’ve found so much more of me here. This place will stay in my heart for ever, as will the people and memories I’ve collected here. I’m leaving because I need to I guess, but it also feels like I’m forced to. Like I don’t have a choice, and that makes me sad.

This day will stand out in my memory as a day of sadness and tears. When I came here I never thought I’d get such a strong feeling of belonging here, that I’d feel so at home here. But I did, and I’ve thrived here.

Grown.
Loved.
Found my creative side.
Explored my surroundings like I’ve never done before.
Walked. Biked. Lived.
Connected to people that has changed me in so many ways.

It’s not my spot I thought when I first got here, but that all changed rather quickly. My university time happened here. I studied literature, and I will always know that going to those classes was exactly right for me. It was something I’ve always wanted to do, and I did it. Literature has a big place in my heart. I love books and I’m so happy that I got to read some of the classics during that year.

I thought I’d hate the darkness and the snow here, and miss my parents too much. But then I grew up and had a family of my own here, people that is not my parents. And I fell in love with the falling snow that lit up the darkness – and I had company when the darkness of the autumn came.

So many good memories, some memories that now break my heart.

I have so many favorite places around here. I think in some way this will always be home, no matter what.

Do you have a place like that? That makes you smile inside?

Then you are lucky, some people search for that their entire life and doesn’t find it. They imagine it to be somewhere else, a place where the grass is always greener than right here. They search for it, but will most likely not find it.

I think it is a part of themselves that they are looking for?

What I’ve found is a place inside of me that is home. So even when I leave my apartment, my home, my friends and “my” town today, this place will still make me whole. And the next place I settle down in might do the same, because the calmness comes from within me, not from the rooms where I’ve lived or the town itself. Not even the people I love can create this feeling. Maybe it is a bit of zen? It has developed inside of me, this love for the place and my own life. And that feeling gives me a calmness inside, that I’ll bring with me. That will come back to me after I stop crying.

I wish this feeling for everyone. You too.

It’s a Special Day today.

I try to look ahead but I tend to look back. It is a difficult task to stay in the present, to appreciate what life gives us and to love ourself enough. But I try, every day.

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19 Responses to A Special Day

  1. Sharon says:

    Thanks for sharing your feelings like that,even though you made me cry too.
    I found my special place that makes me smile,makes me feel safe and after moving around a bit,I came back and I’m here to stay.
    I hope forever.
    Best of luck to you,wherever you go.
    Just remember,you CAN go home again!

  2. As you beautifully said, “the calmness comes from within me, not from the rooms where I?ve lived or the town itself”, so stick to this thought and think about your move as the new beginning – new challenges, new experiences, new people to meet, new things to do. It doesn’t mean you’re going to forget everything that you’ve experienced here in the place you’ve lived for the last several years – all of those won’t lose their importance and they will stay in your memories, in your art, on your photos, in your thoughts. But now it’s time to change and we all need that from time to time, and the Universe knows when it’s a proper time to impose it on us, I think! Good luck! *^v^*

  3. Hagit says:

    Good Luck, Hanna!

  4. Stephanie says:

    Hanna, you are wise and have such a positive beautiful perspective.
    The town you are leaving I also once had to leave, and it was not my choice, and I was much younger. In time, I have been able to return and visit, and the rest of the time I have memories that make me smile.

    I’ve lived many many places. And you are right, the true happiness and peace within happens no matter where you are. Besides, even when I lived in one of my least favorite cities, I found things to love. (But I am glad I don’t live there anymore!)

    Good luck with your new adventure and move to the next place. You are still in the beautiful land Sweden, so no matter which town you are in, it can’t be too bad ;)

    Love to you – keep in touch (skicka g?rna din nya address s? kan jag skicka ett paket d? och d?!)

    Kram,
    Stephanie

    PS – Speaking of literature, all this made me think about the short novel by Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. Have you read that one?

  5. I feel for you because I know what it’s like to find home and to have to leave it behind. Though, you are right. If you can find peace within yourself, then you are already home – with yourself. Best wishes to you as you undergo this change in your life.

  6. ellia says:

    best wishes on moving!!! you have some beautiful goodies in your shop :) i think its SO WONDERFUL that you have a shop with your mum… and your handmade envelopes are delightful!!! YOU HAVE INSPIRED ME WITH SOME IDEAS NOW :D

  7. daisies says:

    :) have a wonderful safe move ~ today i drove from my city to my parent’s town for the weekend and i remarked that if a highway can be a home, this is my home because i’ve been making the trip for so many years that memories roll by my head with each hour passed … it is my reflective highway …

    i also studied literature :) xox

  8. irene says:

    Hope you find happiness and joy and plenty of creativity in the new place, Hanna! And I hope that you keep up your wonderful blog. I have found so much inspiration here!

    I have loved a place since I was little, I’ve moved away, but always returned. It will always be home, no matter what happens. It’s the nature and the people of this northern island that pulls me back, even if most of my family is gone from there now. But I can’t get enough of it, as it brings me such calm and joy.

  9. maria says:

    S? vackert du skriver om det. Och jag f?rst?r s? v?l din k?nsla.

    F?r jag fr?ga vart du ska flytta?

  10. NancyB says:

    Save move wishes and hugs! xoxo

  11. amy says:

    I think a lot of people are sort of going through changes right now. Maybe it’s sort of harvesting good thoughts and accomplishments and then moving onward. Good luck in your new home!

  12. Donna Layton says:

    Hanna….you are wise beyond your years my dear. You are a very special and talented girl. Being at home in your own skin is what makes life livable. Loving that home inside your skin is what makes life fabulous. You’re gonna do great things with your life. Great things.

  13. Good luck with your move to your new town Hanna! It sounds like your years at university were very rich and much more rewarding than simply an education in literature. Best wishes on your next grand adventure! :-)

    –Tami

  14. Felicia says:

    Best of luck with the next phase.

  15. Veronica TM says:

    i love this post and i can relate so much, i don’t think i have found ‘the’ place yet {maybe i need to go back to buenos aires, i don’t know} but i also tend to look back {i just posted about nostalgia today}. overall i love the life i’ve built and that is the most important thing.
    good luck, hanna, in this new phase of your life, i am sure that feeling will go with you anywhere.

  16. Susan Tuttle says:

    Hanna,
    This post is so full of wisdom, meaning, and heart. It definitely brought a tear to my eye. Home is definitely within…it is what we take with us wherever we go…even when we pass to the other side.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. They resound in many.

    Susan
    xo

  17. weirdbunny says:

    So sad you have to leave, but your right happiness comes from deep within ~ Julia x

  18. claudia says:

    Best of luck Hannah! In a few weeks I will have to leave the home I have lived in for the last 10 years and I think it?s going to be a “special day” too.

  19. Hanne says:

    K?re Hanna

    Min store datter er netop flytte hjemmefra denne weekend. Og ikke bare til en anden by – men til et andet land! Det har f?et mig til at t?nke meget over hvad “hjem” egentlig betyder. Og jeg deler dit synspunkt: “at v?re hjemme” m? bero p? en indre f?lelse. At man st?r ved sig selv og evner at hvile i sig selv – uanset de ydre rammer. Det er selvf?lgelig lettere sagt end gjort, men vi g?r alle vores bedste…

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